Sunday, November 2, 2014

At our school, one hears much talking. Much of it useless, trite garbage that really shouldn't don on anyone's ears. But below the petty foolishness and sickening gossip, one can hear an echo, a tone which tastes the tip of every word spoken; fear. In this time of transition, it seems that students fear for many things: transition, the future, independence, financials. However, no matter what one's specific fear might be, there is a unifying theme, a common angst; fear of the uncertain. Despite how good one's plans might be, despite a high GPA, despite how many letters are stitched in one's jacket, everyone is terrified of uncertainty. For some, they are most terrified of not knowing what they want to do. For others, they're simply worried that they'll be able to afford college. 
It's most frightening, to me at least, that I won't ever know what I truly desire. What do I want to do with my life? Is college the right choice? Is there any other option in today's world? Is there something magnificent I should be doing instead of participating in the standard high school, college, job, then family cookie cutter life? I fear most that no matter what I do, there is some ideal opportunity, some perfect place or experience that I just missed, a wrong turn taken, happiness so fleeting. And the worst part is, no matter what choice I make, there will always be a yearning, eating voice  lying in the back of my head, reminding me that I'm making the wrong choice, that I was so close and still so far away. 
Mr. Lockwood experiences uncertainty himself. He claims to moved to the middle of nowhere in pursuit of sweet isolation, yet where do we find him? Constantly trying to socialize, to make a human connection. He even trodded through blizzard conditions for a hot cup of tea and a cold scowl. 
Even this fictional character is experiencing a personal fissure, the heart and head splitting at the seams. Even he has his own yearning voice, pushing towards some imaginary agenda, some ideal place lead to mystically. Will anyone really ever know if they're in the right place, doing the right thing? Or are we always a step behind some cosmic plan, never quite feeling in the right place?

1 comment:

  1. Uncertainty is certainly difficult to overcome at times. Well written.

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